I Can't Help It - My Brain Went There

Oh That? That Was The Sound Of My Brain Exploding

That's What I Said - Boobie Traps!

 

http://www.hark.com/clips/fbcphtzczz-thats-what-i-said-boobie-traps

Things Found In The Checkout Line

Remember roid grape? In contrast, I found the smallest tub of vaseline ever.  It's .25oz, which begs the question, who, besides doctors, needs those giant tubs? Creeps, that's who.

 

Road Rage - I Have That

Side note: I just discovered that Road Rage is featured under Women's Health on webmd.com. (I google strange things.) I'm pretty sure this is  a conspiracy by men to perpetuate the stereotype that women are bad drivers because they're jealous that we get out of traffic tickets (read: have boobs. Mom and Dad, immediately forget that I said that). For all of us unruly female drivers out there, here are some tips:

If You are Prone to Road Rage

Warning: Intervention pending. As a psychotherapist, Markell often sees people whose "significant others" are concerned or terrified by their mate's aggressive driving. If you or your spouse think this has become a problem, some possible steps to take include:

• Get sufficient rest -- lack of sleep leads to loss of control. Dr. Markell, I would need a new job to get more sleep, which is not an option. Get better ideas.
• Limit alcohol -- "Alcohol can make you rageful," Cadell says (not to mention impair your driving other ways).  Fortunately, I don't drink before I go to work.  Although I may start if they don't stop repaving every street leading to downtown.
• Leave earlier for your destinations. That 10-second wait won't bug you as much. Stop judging me for consistently being 5 minutes late. Also, you've clearly never driven in a big city, country mouse. 10 seconds my arse.
• Play soothing music. This can really help.  If Enya could lower blood pressure, cardiologists would become obsolete.
• Be aware of your driving. Leon James, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and author of Road Rage and Aggressive Driving: Steering Clear of Highway Warfare, recommends watching yourself -- what makes you angry, how long do you stay angry. Tell yourself, "It was not their fault -- it was the guy in front of them." Mhmm, I see what you're saying. However, the "guy in front of them" cleared the intersection and then this mope managed to get stuck by the red light a block up, and now I have to stare at him while I'm stopped at a green light because he's blocking my path.
• Put pictures of your loved ones on the dashboard -- you want to come home to them. Oh right. You just advised my husband to stage an intervention and now you want me to drive with his judging eyes on me?  False.

Lent: Catholic For Diet

Yammer Time